DISCLAIMER: THIS ARTICLE WILL PROBABLY PISS YOU OFF. ASK ME IF I GIVE A SHIT.
CATCHER: Jonathan Lucroy, Milwaukee
Yeah, I’m starting the surprises early here with the NL. Everyone expects to see either Molina or Posey here, but neither’s statline is impressive to me. Because of name alone, they’ll probably be the two all-star catchers, but Lucroy really deserves it, hitting well over .300 with 9 HR and 28 RBI, which is great for any backstop.
FIRST BASE: Anthony Rizzo, Chicago
No one really stands out at 1B in the NL, not even Goldschmidt, so I’m going with one of the stars on by far the best team in baseball in Rizzo. Only hitting a little above .250 is a concern for me, but no one else stood out enough to cancel Rizzo’s power numbers.
SECOND BASE: Daniel Murphy, Washington
It really sucks to be Ben Zobrist this season. Despite having a great year for the Cubbies, no one has come close to Daniel Murphy, who is leading the NL in batting average by almost .05 over Ryan Braun, as well as leading the NL in slugging percentage, total bases, and OPS. Zobrist and Harrison deserve to be all-stars, just not starters.
THIRD BASE: Nolan Arenado, Colorado
I wonder what would happen if they called him out for putting pine tar on his bat.
Arenado is really fun to watch. Not only can he do it at the plate, but he’s superb defensively too, with 3 straight gold gloves. He leads the NL in homers with 18, and consequently in RBI’s too. He’s way too awesome to not be starting in the ASG, despite Kris Bryant also having a good season.
SHORTSTOP: Corey Seager, Los Angeles
The rookie sensation that’s sweeping Dodger Nation. The other night he had 3 homers, becoming the first Dodger rookie to do it at the fabled Dodger Stadium ever (the last man to do it in history for the Dodgers as a rookie, Don Demeter, did it in 1959 when the team still played at the LA Coliseum). He’s a shoe in for rookie of the year in November, and he deserves every vote he gets for it.
OUTFIELD: Ryan Braun, Milwaukee
Real Recognize Real.
Time for a steroid check. No, seriously. He’s back in MVP form, hitting .337 with 9 HR and 33 RBI’s, in addition to his contributions defensively. Easy pick here, even if he’s prolly juicing again.
OUTFIELD: Starling Marte, Pittsburgh
Wait, Eric, don’t you mean the other outfielder in Pittsburgh? Nah, I don’t. Marte’s 4th in the NL in batting average, tied for first in doubles, second in stolen bases, and is second in total hits behind only Murphy. So yeah, he deserves it over Cutch. Sorry.
OUTFIELD: Marcell Ozuna, Miami
So nice it can’t even be tweeted in English.
Ozuna has really come into his own this year, and deserves this, hitting .314 with 11 HR and 29 RBI’s, which is more homers than he had in 123 games last year. As a result, he gets the nod from me to start in the final outfield spot.
I can already hear all the fucking moaning coming from everyone. WHERE’S HARPER? WHERE’S STANTON? I’ll tell you where I think they should be. In the home run derby, maybe as a defensive replacement in the later innings, but not starting. Neither are even hitting .250, which is fucking embarrassing for two of the most recognizable faces in baseball. Stanton is barely over .200 this year, so basically he’s either hitting a homer or not getting on base. How is that positive for baseball? Sure as hell isn’t getting any love from me. Fuck that.
STARTING PITCHER: Clayton Kershaw, Los Angeles
There’s so many REALLY outstanding pitchers in the NL this year. Kershaw, Arrieta, Bumgarner, Cueto, Syndergaard, Strasburg, Fernandez, even Jason Hammel. However, only one guy can start, and it’s gotta be Kershaw. Despite a shitty playoff record, I still want him starting a game 7 for me in any situation, even though Bumgarner had that classic performance in 2014. He leads the league in ERA, is one strikeout back of Fernandez for the league lead, and has a video-game like 0.65 WHIP (!!!!) this season. The man is an absolute machine, and it’s an honor to be able to see him pitch. I want him starting this game, especially in Southern California, where you can bet Dodger fans will convene for sure.
Any thoughts or hot takes, leave a comment or send to my twitter @E_Carey66